Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
