The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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