wanna go halves on a baby?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
