I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
