Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
