I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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