ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
