I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
