Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
