i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
