Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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