If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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