Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
