I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
