K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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