porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
