Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
