Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
