U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
