see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
