I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
