I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You were trust falling into bushes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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