Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
