I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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