So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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