The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
