cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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