he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
