i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
