fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
