You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
