I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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