I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
