Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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