i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
