was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
