NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
