you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
