I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
