you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
