walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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