i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
