normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
