Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
