Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
