she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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