Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
