I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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