By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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