if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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